Some Reflections As We Move Into the New Year

When you prepare yourself to spend a year abroad in volunteer service, you go in with the expectation that you will be changed by the experience. Transformed, even. 

What you can't prepare for is exactly how that will happen. 

Before I left home in September, many people asked me what my expectations were for the year. I often answered that I was trying not to go in with strong expectations, since I knew how likely I was to be wrong. All I knew is that I would be deeply impacted by my experience in ways that I would be unable to fully predict. 

At that point, I was thinking of change as additive: everything that I felt and knew about myself would remain true, with additional feelings, thoughts, and values added on top. I don't think I would have been able to consciously articulate that at the time, but looking back, that's how I felt. This is, of course, not how change works. 

I have wanted to live abroad for a long time. Ever since my first trip overseas with my mom when I was 13 or 14 years old, I have longed to experience life in another country. This year of service has been my chance to finally do that, and I am incredibly grateful for that opportunity. I expected that desire to live abroad to persist, or even grow, through my experience here. This has not been the case. But I think that's a good thing. 

In Palestine, family is incredibly important. The love and support of families for one another is ubiquitous and palpable, and Palestinian families are always ready to welcome you into their homes with hot food and strong coffee. 

This is also the longest I have ever been away from my family. And seeing the connectedness of family in Palestine, I have realized that I would much rather live my adult life close to my own family, as a part of an interconnected web in the place I know, love, and have always called home, than to uproot my life to live out a fantasy of life abroad. And through this realization (as well as my experience of accompaniment here), I have felt more empowered to improve my own home in whatever small ways I am able. 

It is a small, simple thing.

And so I give thanks for the challenge which brings growth.

Happy New Year.